


It Was You Who Have Helped Me Stand Up

by hondansadeensommar



Series: Multifandom Hurt/Comfort Oneshots [6]
Category: ONEUS (Band), ONEWE (Band)
Genre: Anorexia, Eating Disorders, Gen, Mental Health Issues, Vomiting, Weight Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-12 03:17:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19220473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hondansadeensommar/pseuds/hondansadeensommar
Summary: “There are things you guys don’t know yet."





	It Was You Who Have Helped Me Stand Up

Dongmyeong crossed his arms as he stood on the scale in the company building’s locker room, waiting silently for Yonghoon to finish weighing him.“Would it really be all that bad to miss one day with the scale, _hyung_?” Dongmyeong asked.

“You threw up earlier” Yonghoon replied, finally putting a hand on Dongmyeong’s shoulder as he moved the little bars back to zero so that Dongmyeong wouldn’t see the final number.That had been part of the group’s plan to help Dongmyeong get his eating disorder under control again; he wasn’t allowed to know how much he weighed, for fear that hearing or seeing the number might send him spiraling again.He’d gotten down as low as 46 kilograms before they had managed to get him gaining the weight back, although Dongmyeong wasn’t allowed to know how much he had actually gained.The other members wouldn’t even tell him whether he had gained or lost each day, which was frustrating.Dongmyeong was allowed to know that he hadn’t made it back to his starting weight, because he wasn’t allowed to go anywhere near the gym.“You’re still over 45… but I think we need to have a group meeting to talk about what else we can do to make sure that you’re getting better.”

Dongmyeong sighed as Yonghoon let him step off the scale.He knew that the older man was looking out for his best interests; Dongmyeong had gotten too sick to be allowed to handle things on his own, and he really was thankful that his members were determined to help him avoid being hospitalized.But he often felt as though the others thought of him as a child, too immature to have any control over his actions.“Can we at least wait until we get home?I don’t want Doongdoongie to know…”

“You don’t want me to know what?”Dongmyeong felt sick at the sound of his twin brother’s voice coming from the entrance to the locker room, turning to see Dongju balancing on the crutches that the younger man still needed in order to keep the weight off his injured knee.Although it had been a few weeks since Dongju had fallen and injured the ligaments in his knee, Dongmyeong knew that his brother was still required to keep the joint immobilized so that it could heal.“Dolmaengie… is something wrong?”

“I’ll meet you in the practice room, okay?” Yonghoon asked, squeezing Dongmyeong’s shoulder.It was clear that the leader didn’t want to out Dongmyeong to his twin brother - not that it would have mattered, anyway.Dongmyeong and Dongju knew each other too well, and there was no way that Dongmyeong would be able to hide the fact that he’d relapsed from his brother.He couldn’t lie, because his twin would know almost immediately.

“You should put your leg up,” Dongmyeong commented once Yonghoon was gone, moving to the side so that Dongju could get by him to the benches near the lockers.“Is your knee still swelling?”

“My knee is fine… what are you trying to hide from me, Dolmaengie?”Dongmyeong sighed, shaking his head.“Is it that bad?”

“I relapsed,” Dongmyeong replied, not bothering to preface his words at all.It wouldn’t do any good; Dongmyeong knew that Dongju wouldn’t let him talk his way out of admitting what was happening.“It’s been a week, maybe a week and a half… my members are helping, and I’m not in danger…”

“Yet,” Dongju added.“Why are you hiding it from _me_?”

Dongmyeong felt guilty as he saw just how hurt Dongju looked at the fact that he hadn’t been told what was going on.“I didn’t want you to worry, Doongdoongie…” Dongmyeong began.“You’ve got enough to deal with right now, without having to worry about me, too… you guys start promotions soon…”

“The _hyungs_ start promoting soon… I’m not even allowed on stage,” Dongju replied, shaking his head.“The company made the decision today to pull me completely.I’m not even going to do the fan signs or radio promotions, so that I can focus on resting my knee and then rehab when I’m allowed to move my knee.Not that it really matters, when what’s going on with you is so much more important…”

Dongmyeong shook his head.“It’s not…”

“I can’t dance for a couple of months.That’s not the end of the world.But you could _die_ …” 

Dongju’s words were like a punch to the gut.“It isn’t that bad…” Dongmyeong began.

“That’s what you said when you were in the emergency room, remember?” Dongju asked.“You hadn’t eaten in weeks, and they were worried that you were going to have a heart attack because they couldn’t get your heart rate under control.You were over 45 kilograms, but you could have died that night and you were lucky that it didn’t cause any permanent damage… and you kept telling me that it wasn’t that bad, that you didn’t need to be in the hospital even when they were talking about whether or not they could safely sedate you so that they could shock your heart back into a normal rhythm…”

Dongmyeong looked down at the floor, unable to look his brother in the eye.He knew that Dongju was right; his health had declined rapidly when he’d been at his worst during his first relapse, and Dongmyeong was on the verge of letting things get just as far out of control as they had been at that time.There were no guarantees that he would survive if it were to happen again.“Is that what you want, Dolmaengie?Do you want to get that sick again?”

“Of course not…” Dongmyeong replied, shaking his head.“I can’t control this, Doongdoongie…”

“But you can control whether or not you ask for help,” Dongju replied.“You can ask to see your psychiatrist and your therapist.You don’t have to just rely on your members… and you _shouldn’t_ be relying on them, when Giwook- _ah_ is the only one who has any idea of what _might_ work to help you…”

“If I ask for help, the company could pull me…” Dongmyeong began.“We’re preparing a new album…”

“What’s really more important?That album, or your health?” Dongju asked.“Your members can make it work without you there for one round of promotions.But what happens to them if you hurt yourself to the point that you can’t promote again?Or worse?”

Dongmyeong took a deep breath, closing his eyes.“I’m sorry…”

“Don’t apologize to me… just do what you know you need to do.Ask for help. _Make_ the company listen to you, no matter what it takes.But don’t let this get that out of control again… I don’t want to do any of this without you…”

Dongmyeong nodded slowly.“Can you come with me to go talk to my members?Giwook- _ah_ doesn’t even know about that trip to the hospital… and I don’t think I can face talking about that on my own…”

“Of course.Just let me pee, okay?That was the whole purpose in coming down here in the first place,” Dongju replied.

Dongmyeong waited for his brother, walking slowly back to the practice room next to Dongju and mentally trying to prepare himself for the reactions he knew he would get from his members.The fact that he’d kept so much from his members… Dongmyeong wasn’t sure if he would be able to be honest without his brother by his side.His members were going to be angry, and Dongmyeong knew that he would deserve it for hiding something so serious from them.

“Dolmaengie… are you okay?” Harin asked softly, holding Dongmyeong back slightly from Dongju as they both entered the practice room.

“It’s okay, _hyung_ … Doongdoongie knows,” Dongmyeong replied, shaking his head.“I’m… I haven’t been completely honest with anyone…”Dongmyeong moved over to where Dongju had taken a seat, sitting down next to his brother and looking at the ground as his twin put an arm around his shoulders.

“There are things you guys don’t know yet,” Dongmyeong commented, looking down at the floor.“You know that I’ve relapsed before… last time, it got really bad.Worse even than the first time I was sick.I ended up in the hospital… you were out of town, Giwook- _ah_ , and I couldn’t tell you when you came back…”

“He nearly fucked up his heart,” Dongju added, when Dongmyeong didn’t explain further on his own.“He needs to be in treatment, guys… I know that you’re all trying to help him, but it isn’t going to be enough.How much does he weigh right now?”

“We haven’t been telling him…” Hyungu began.

“Is it at least over 45 kilograms?” Dongju asked.“If he’s not, he _has_ to go to the hospital…”

“He’s over 45,” Yonghoon replied.“I weighed him right before you came into the locker room… I’ll tell you, just not with Dolmaengie around.”

Dongmyeong watched as Dongju nodded.“I’m okay with that.But I’m not okay with Dongmyeong- _ah_ not going to his therapist or his psychiatrist… he _has_ to have professional help.I can’t stand by and watch him get to the point that they’re debating whether or not they can safely shock his heart back into a normal rhythm…”

“Fuck…” Dongmyeong stared down at his knees at Hyungu’s outburst, trying to hold back the tears.“It got that bad?”

“He hadn’t kept anything down in three weeks before it happened,” Dongju replied.“They managed to do it and he didn’t do any permanent damage to his heart… but I don’t know if he’s going to be that lucky if something like that happens again…”

There was a long moment of silence, before anyone spoke again.“How much did he weigh when that happened?” Yonghoon asked. 

“A little over 45 kilograms… the numbers aren’t a good metric of how he’s doing,” Dongju replied.“He can be okay at 45 if he’s eating, or he can be so sick he needs to be hospitalized if he’s at 47 and hasn’t eaten in three weeks.I’m not telling you guys this to stress you out… but you have to know what we’re dealing with here.This isn’t something that we can handle on our own…”

Dongmyeong was surprised as he felt Harin putting an arm around his shoulders.“Okay… so we go to the company, and we tell them what’s going on.We ask for them to get him the help he needs to beat this…”

“I might end up getting pulled… for a long time…” Dongmyeong replied.

“If that means you get better, then so be it,” Giwook replied.

“He’s right,” Harin replied, squeezing Dongmyeong’s shoulders.“All that matters right now is that you get better… whatever we lose, it isn’t as important as you are.No matter what happens, we _need_ you.”

“Harin- _ah_ is right,” Hyungu replied.“Goal number one is getting you healthy, Dolmaengie.Everything else can wait.”


End file.
